Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Flash Backs

Yesterday was hectic I would say. My eye laid wide open up til 5 in the morning and I have these flashbacks of what happened between me and someone so close to me not too long ago which, to my notice, brought tears to my eyes.
That someone was my closest friend ever which I've known for practically my whole life. We've been through every ups and downs of life together ever since we were a child and for all you know, she is someone I look up to as a role model. Someone whom I wish to follow her footsteps, someone which have all the criteria of being a good child or a student, to me at least. Though I was pretty much living under her shadow of success, I didn't really mind, in fact, I was proud even. We've had some bad times where arguments never fail to come and go, but it never last for more than a day, thats a guarentee. We never carry our anger and vengence to the next day, in fact, it will all be forgotten within a couple of hours. However, things started changing a few years back. Something happened and this bright and striking role model figure of her was suddenly blurred to merely shades which can't even make it up. Arguments that we had last time that never lasted a day, now lasted for months. Our conversation was somewhat awkward. Though we never speak about it to each other, but we know, that there's something inside us which the both of us refuses acknowledge it. This something had slowly become an issue to me and I started building barriers from almost everyone. It soured to a point where I would just turn on a total- ignore mode, minding my own business. My answers are just a plain yes or no, nothing more, nothing less. Things has gone way out of hand after months of enduring situations like this and finally, she spoke up trying to loosen the tension around us, but, foolishly, I refused. I did not want to talk to her because I was so shallow at that point in time to be against her when she needed my support the most. I could even remember, I pretty much ruined her birthday by making her cry. She came back all the way from her birthday dinner just so she could settle everything with me once more, but I hold up my guards and turn my back against her. I didn't even wished her a simple Happy Birthday.
Till one day, it was either a "do or die" day. None of us could tolerate this tense situation anymore, hence, she resorted to my parents. They tried to talk things out with us, but being as stubborn as I am, I literally ran out from the house, trying to avoid everything that was about to come. This rage in me was really eating me inside out. Things didn't get settled as wished, and yet again, it went on until up to one day, I was thinking the whole day about my foolish attitude towards someone I care for so much. Why would I want to hurt someone that I held so closely to me? Why would I want to hurt someone that I love equally with my parents? I finally let down my guard and apologized. A simple sorry from me made everything turn to a brighter view. I realised that during that point in time, I was not suppose to go against her no matter how much I hated it, but to stand by her side, cause I'm the only one she has, and she's the only one I have.
Now, we're closer than ever. I opened up so much to her and whenever I'm sad, she never fails to bring her little Donut to cheer me up knowing that I have this dog fetish. She is now going to be a lawyer graduate and still someone I look up to, forever and always, because she's my one and only SISTER.