Just promise me you'll think of me everytime you look up in the sky and see a star.

Yet again.

Double Identity

Baby you walked away from something so great. Can you see through these tears that holds nothing but pain and sorrow?

You told me through a text, telling me you wanted to start your life anew, said you had to leave and start your life over. I said "don't leave, please stay". We don't need money, we can make it work, just you and me. Ignorantly, you turned your back towards me, blinded by hatred and anger, too blind to see my legs gave up on me, kneeling on the floor, face buried in my hands, crying my heart out. My tears became meaningless to you. But the tears you shed was still precious in my eyes.

I stayed up, anticipating, waiting, but you were out, chasing paper.
Baby, you went out all night, but it was alright. I told you I will be by your side, whether you fail or fly.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died, I'm only half alive.
Miss seeing you in your blue jeans, white shirt, a James Dean for sure. But can something that is already dead be resurrected?

Our love is stale, flies hovering, expired. You only saw your pain, thoughtless of anyone else's feelings.
Everything is according to your plan. You've executed it beautifully.You never had the chance to feel a sense of loneliness, when the darkness of the night creeps into your spine.
I close my eyes every night, hoping everything will be alright when dawn arrives.
You didn't see my suffering, no one saw, as I was all alone, far away from home. Nothing could be done to bring two bulls back together. It is embedded in me, a scar so deep, that I pray everynight for some angel to come to my direction to heal it.

You said "don't be negative". I wish. How can one be positive, when the only one hurting is me?

Changes? Changes...

Never thought I'd be blogging from where I'm blogging now. Things seem to change for the better, I hope. I'm not so much of a perfectionist, but it does gets on my nerves when things are not working in the order I want them to be. I'd do anything to get them back on track. And this is my weak point. I'm bad at adapting. Once I get comfortable or used to something, I tend to stick with it for a while. Forever if possible. But as for this time, I'm kinda forced to change. Change of environment, change of lifestyle, change of my daily routine. It gets me crazy for the first few days. My head was nothing but full of negative thoughts running through my mind the whole day. I thought that this sudden change would be nothing but detrimental. Nothing but difficult. Nothing but hurtful. I'm still adapting and I think things got pretty much better than it was before. I'm not expecting anything good to happen after this. I'm just accepting what that is to come with open hands and heart. Never would it cross my mind in a million years that you would usher me to a corner. It hurts me even now. When I come to think of it now, I really don't want to put myself through that pain anymore. I was scared to talk to you, afraid of being hurled offensive words to me again and all I can do is to drown my room, alone. I think it should be enough to wake me up from this delusion I'm in all these while. Its not much of a fairy tale ending after all. Thinking of it still brings tears to my eyes, but I have to learn. Attitude wise, I may not be comparable to her, but feelings wise, I don't think there's anyone ahead of me. But thats all good now. Life without you...sounds awesome? My fingers are definitely crossed. Wish me luck. I'll see you around.

Boring

Current update of me: None. Nothing but lazing around at home, being an eye sore to my parents for doing nothing with my holidays, constant and continuous nagging from my parents to get my CV done, so on and so forth. Sister will be heading back to KL tomorrow which is bad news for me that I'll be all alone again enjoying the undivided attention from my parents. But on a brighter note, there will be mass amount of shopping thank you very much which wavers my concentration pretty much. KC never understands me, how I grin from ear to ear when I gaze into those shopping bags, how I grin even wider when I pull out that beautiful piece of cloth from its package mesmerizing its wonderful material is, how it fits me like a glove with its sheer material flowing down from my skin and... *slaps self*. Back to reality =.=

Currently reading a novel and I weirdly fell for a character in it. He's described as a rich playboy sort of guy, which he eventually falls for a mother with a child that performs miracles and how they have to hide their relationship for several reasons. What an adventure!! But I wouldn't want to be caught up in these situations if you ask me. It must be a hell of a time going through this underground relationship thingy. But what alternatives do we have if situations commands so?

That's all for now. Shall blog more if I feel the need of it to kill my boredom.