Sweet Pumps

2012-02-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

A letter to you.

2012-01-24T16:08:00.000-08:00

When someone falls in love, it's the best feeling ever. A companion worthy of your heart and love. Everything seems to fall into places so perfectly its like the world revolves around you. I had this feeling before, which is so good I wasn't going to let it go for the world.

When I was 18, I met someone I thought will be the one I would walk down the aisle to. My very first love. Childish? Perhaps. Too far fetch? Maybe. But I was convinced, thats the truth. 3 years down the road, so much memories built together. From the restaurants we used to dine together, our all time favourite movies, to the songs we used to listen and called it "our song". Time doesn't seem to erase all these memories, not at the moment at least. The vacations we had together seem to happen just yesterday. Everything is so fresh in my mind like it's been tattoo-ed on.

The arguments we had to put up with was bad. Everyone goes through arguments, but it hurts more when you argue with someone you love and care for. You could say that our relationship has its ups and downs. We could be happily in love with each other, and the next thing you know, we are throwing massive tantrums towards ourselves. It's funny how things somehow got right back on track time and time again. I don't know whether is it because we got so used to a routine of seeing each other everyday, but we somehow managed to toil through some rough patches. Forgive and forget, I say.

3 years down the road, we've been through so much together. I would say it had been 3 good years, and things finally ended, for real this time. I couldn't find the legit reason for our fall out, but then again, this is love. You don't need a reason to fall in love with someone, you don't need a reason to fall out of love with someone. Spending all my time alone here in the UK pretty much sucks especially when you are going through a heartbreak. I have no family here to cry to, no close friends to rage to and only to find myself crying alone at night just so I could sleep. I could now only watch you and your new found love behind closed doors. I would lie to say it's not hurting me. Every minute it hurts, but hey, life still goes on. I put on a mask everyday, smiling to my friends, fooling around with them, but I guess the mask is thin enough to see through what I really felt deep inside. You might think that going out and having a couple of drinks is bad and you hated it, but what else could I do to make myself feeling a little better even for that split second? When you left, I never get a chance to deliver my last words to you. We somehow just stopped talking. I have so many questions to ask, is our love so unworthy that you didn't want to try striving for even just for a few months? But I told myself not to ask, not to bother because even if I have my questions answered, does it actually change anything? It doesn't change the fact that I am halfway around the world from you, it doesn't change the fact that we were no longer an item.

As they say, you will always remember your first fall. But I trust things will get better. I wish you the best here, and I hope you could keep a part of me with you, as you will always be someone special to me.

Sincerely,

Michelle.

Changes? Changes...

2011-02-18T01:57:00.000-08:00

Never thought I'd be blogging from where I'm blogging now. Things seem to change for the better, I hope. I'm not so much of a perfectionist, but it does gets on my nerves when things are not working in the order I want them to be. I'd do anything to get them back on track. And this is my weak point. I'm bad at adapting. Once I get comfortable or used to something, I tend to stick with it for a while. Forever if possible. But as for this time, I'm kinda forced to change. Change of environment, change of lifestyle, change of my daily routine. It gets me crazy for the first few days. My head was nothing but full of negative thoughts running through my mind the whole day. I thought that this sudden change would be nothing but detrimental. Nothing but difficult. Nothing but hurtful. I'm still adapting and I think things got pretty much better than it was before. I'm not expecting anything good to happen after this. I'm just accepting what that is to come with open hands and heart. Never would it cross my mind in a million years that you would usher me to a corner. It hurts me even now. When I come to think of it now, I really don't want to put myself through that pain anymore. I was scared to talk to you, afraid of being hurled offensive words to me again and all I can do is to drown my room, alone. I think it should be enough to wake me up from this delusion I'm in all these while. Its not much of a fairy tale ending after all. Thinking of it still brings tears to my eyes, but I have to learn. Attitude wise, I may not be comparable to her, but feelings wise, I don't think there's anyone ahead of me. But thats all good now. Life without you...sounds awesome? My fingers are definitely crossed. Wish me luck. I'll see you around.

Christmas Pressie!!

2010-12-03T04:54:00.000-08:00

Currently blogging from the new lappie from kc. Being a person that doesn't fancy gadgets very much, I've never thought of getting a new laptop, not at least before I finish my degree. I'm absolutely fine with whatever I had as long as I'm able to online, do some research, and most importantly, meet the due dates of them assignments. Even now, a choice of buying a laptop?handphone/ipad or a nice shopping spree with loads of pretty garments, obviously, I'd pick the latter.

I know it's kinda late for me to get my MacBookPro now seeing that almost half the world have already owned it years ago, but mine is a gift from kc. He said its for Christmas. No doubt, he's my personal santa claus. This gift will definitely follow me to UK as my long distanced relationship kit to keep us close at heart, though physically miles apart.

On another very unrelated note, I feel bad everytime that issue was brought up and this feeling stays in me for days. I know it at heart, there's no need for a constant reminder to heighten the depth of my guilt. Speaking of which, I can't wait to graduate. =(

I miss you so

2010-08-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

I miss you. I could still clearly picture the day I first saw you, you were just a baby no bigger that 1 foot. You can hardly walk stabily it seems to me you're staggering all the time. I brought you home when you were just a few weeks old because I've been anticipating for your arrival since the day you were conceived and have been eager to welcome you to your new home. A place where I was certain you would grow up just perfectly. I used to cradle you in my arms like a baby, feeling the tenderness of your skin beneath those soft white fur of yours come into contact with my skin. I used to run my fingers through your fur and scratch the back of your neck and ear so that your eyes would close slowly with the comfort you're experiencing. You were my baby, my little brother, my friend. I felt the authority over you, the need to protect you when you were little, preventing you from breaking those fragile bones of a puppy and spoon fed you til you're old enough to eat directly from the bowl. Soon enough, you outgrew your puppy-ness and became a dog, not much of the size, but your bark rings everyone's bell. You, in turn, protected me. We have very strong seams, something so strong, no one could understand. When I sat on the floor to play with you, you'd throw your weight onto my lap for some cuddling and I would play with you like a soft toy a small girl treasure so much like its a part of her flesh.

You were loud and there is never one day with you without your audible bark and I should have noticed earlier that on that particular day, you were awkwardly quiet. Not the normal you, hence, you were brought to the vet while I was in school only to come back with a horrifying news waiting for me. My parents break the news to me saying that you've been poisoned. Those words...their ends seems to curl up seeking for approval, they sounded unfamiliar. It was huge, and I lost all sensations of my legs. They are numb, wobbly, shaking and I was already on my knees drowning the whole world with my tears. I wasn't willing to accept this bitter fact, not so soon, not now.

The doctors told me that the poison's attacking your liver, and you wouldn't eat, woudln't pee, wouldn't excrete anything pratically. They administered a certain something into your body to combat the poison. Some drippings inserted via a needle, and you didn't even rebel, like how you would have. I know the pain is excrutiating, it must hurt you so bad for your liver is failing you, and it hurts me so. But it hurts me even more that you distance yourself from us to a corner and you'll lie there even if a blizzard hits. 4 years baby. You've been my worthy companion for 4 good years. Oh God how could I ever be normal without you? It's been 3 years since you've been gone. We have memories of you, photos and videos both put together in a cd which we would play it occasionally to reminisce those moment when you were here, to at least feel your presence once again, and tears would swell my eyes without fail, and even now, I still do just by thinking of you. You've done a huge impact on my life, a good one, and if I were to turn back time, I wouldn't change anything about it, including the fact that you died in my very own arms.

Nerds trumps Bad Boys

2010-07-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

There's a saying, girls like bad boys. Very true, indeed. Bad boys are more appealing than they do the nerds and bad boys always come accross as brave, gutsy which offers protection, and feeling protected is what girls want. Bad boys smoke, they look macho and are usually the womanizer. Put them together with the nerds, nerds pull of the gawky look just right, with their over-sized black-framed glasses whom might fidget when you got bullied. They're named the loosers in school and nobody wants to date a looser. But here's the downfall of dating a bad boy. They do not have a promising future. They spent most of their time playing, being vein about their looks, spent their time looking cool or walloping their foes, but spent no time on books. They make a potential "ah long" as a matter of fact. While nerds, on the other hand, might have a pretty dull life and might be fully dedicated to books itself but that's a trait to be admired, and not mocked. As lifeless they are now, they're our future doctors/lawyers/surgeon/engineer. I'm not saying every nerd would succeed sometime in their future, but its the possibility we're buying, not the guarantee. Giving up your fun happy-go-lucky teenage life for a better future seems like a pretty fair trade to me, no?

Even more, nerds see a bigger picture. A picture which paints marriage as well. Girls who plan to have a committed relationship find nerds the best candidate.Bad boys only see a limited picture. So limited you have to squint your eyes to get a glimpse of it and when you do, all you could see is one thing and one thing only: Sex. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. It's pretty obvious if you don't already know the intentions of these so called bad boys and what's worst, they kiss and tell! They'd share every single detail with their "brothers" during their "brother talk" and the victim (the bad boy's girl) would find many eyes locked at her with thousands of dirty thoughts running through their mind. I'm not saying nerds don't have that intention at all. Heck, they don't have a halo on top of their head, well, but at least they're worth it?

Girls are simple. We want to marry and we want to marry good. A wealthy husband is preferable. A loyal husband is to die for. This is a dog eat dog world and guys, if you hit the age of 25 and you don't have a career or even a promising job, you're pretty much dead. Girls, upon reaching a certain age, matures to think for the better. No woman would jeopardise their future by marrying someone who can't even buy a house for their future family, and if you're still a parasite at 25 years old living with your parents and using their money, you'd probably find it impossible to get a wife-material girlfriend. Maybe, you would have a couple of flings here and there, but nothing serious. No strings attached. Pity.

But trust me, if a guy is non educated but has a whole fortune waiting for inheritance, girls will just see pass all your flaws. =)

Whatever it is, what one really wants is a loyal and faithful partner. Someone they could come home to to cuddle and soil in those flannel bedsheets at home, not someone who constantly leaves you cold alone at home.

I know this is a super random post. I'm just typing cause I'm working and I have nothing to do =/

Can someone kill me?

2010-07-20T11:34:00.001-07:00

Last time, I used to think that having insomnia was good. Call me crazy but I reckon that it'll give me more time to study and guess what? My wish came true and I'm suffering from it now which is regretable. What more can I say? Your eyes are tired and wants some rest but your brain is hell active thinking about everything, anything. Also, last time, I used to think that working life trumps studying life. My parents think that I'm still young to have such shallow thoughts and figured that I might as well prove myself wrong once I step foot into the "office lady" world and guess what? They were very right! I've started working in a law firm and halfway through the first day of work, I just have to text my sister to complain how tired I am, how my backbone aches. how I want to go home. On the contrary, I took 2 days of leave after my first day. Embaressed much but my backbone won't allow me to even stand or walk like how a normal person would despite the fact that I prance my way through everything. It's my coccyx to be specific, and it hurts even more, I could feel the pain through my spine and managed to squeeze out a tear or two. Little do I know that the hit on my spine last 2 years would take such a huge toll on my back which is only to come 2 years after. Fascinating, no? Managed to squeeze my way through day 1 of agony, but gave in to the pain on day 2. Mum has been bombarding my cell asking me to see a doctor ASAP but I was pretty reluctant at first. I fear that they would do something even more painful to my backbone to make it straight back again and it's my coccyx you're talking about, which means, the doctor, be it girl or guy, would have the perfect unblocked exposure of my butt. But I had to do what I had to do. Hence, Kc chauffered me to a chinese doctor and thank God, a girl attended to me. She asked me to lie facing downwards and she felt much obligated to pull my shirt right up, snap of my bra stripe, and pull my pants down. Thank God again that my face was facing the floor as I can feel the flush of blood towards my temples and I swear she would have noticed it if I'm upwards. Slowly, she run her fingers through my spine and to the "IT" spot. Gently, she presses her slender fingers and I managed a squeak and without even asking, she pours her miracle medicine all over my back and started pressing, pulling, rubbing, you name it. Being half exposed is already embarassing and I don't want to be caught as a hooligan, shouting each time she presses onto my coccyx, hence, I grit my teeth and pull of a decent lying down posture and remained all primp and proper and after an agonizing 15 minutes, she done! Now I have God-knows-what sticker on my back and it's hot. Can someone kill me pls? Hope it gets better by tomorrow *fingers cross*

Boring

2010-07-13T01:58:00.000-07:00

Current update of me: None. Nothing but lazing around at home, being an eye sore to my parents for doing nothing with my holidays, constant and continuous nagging from my parents to get my CV done, so on and so forth. Sister will be heading back to KL tomorrow which is bad news for me that I'll be all alone again enjoying the undivided attention from my parents. But on a brighter note, there will be mass amount of shopping thank you very much which wavers my concentration pretty much. KC never understands me, how I grin from ear to ear when I gaze into those shopping bags, how I grin even wider when I pull out that beautiful piece of cloth from its package mesmerizing its wonderful material is, how it fits me like a glove with its sheer material flowing down from my skin and... *slaps self*. Back to reality =.=

Currently reading a novel and I weirdly fell for a character in it. He's described as a rich playboy sort of guy, which he eventually falls for a mother with a child that performs miracles and how they have to hide their relationship for several reasons. What an adventure!! But I wouldn't want to be caught up in these situations if you ask me. It must be a hell of a time going through this underground relationship thingy. But what alternatives do we have if situations commands so?

That's all for now. Shall blog more if I feel the need of it to kill my boredom.

Insomnia

2010-07-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

It's 3.45 in the morning and I'm still wide awake. yes. I've finally given in to insomnia. Or maybe it's just the jetlag that I'm not over with. I've realised this for quite sometime, that my brain never seizes to work. I'm not saying that I'm making full use of my brain for studying purposes, but it never seems to shut. I think unnecessary stuff and it irritates me so much so that I get headaches. Wonderful isn't it? I could say that I'm having a mixture of feelings. I can't really make up what feelings are those baffling inside me, but I'm pretty sure it's not something pleasant. Did I cross the line too far this time without even me realising? I'm afraid so, but I didn't mean any harm, really. I could get really enthuist at things at times when I get and hit the right momentum and I tend to be drifted really far, I need a rope to pull me back before anything worse could happen. Sometimes, words are as sharp as spears. Words that comes out from your mouth without the filtration of your brain hurts even more perhaps. Maybe the momentum really gets me going. But afterall, I don't mean to upset you even more. I apologize for my foolish words.

Moving on, if you don't already know, I'm back from my London trip. Physically and mentally drained, but, in a good way. I'm not much of a travelling person, or so they say, but I enjoyed my trip overall. Going there for a vacation for a couple of weeks is enjoyable, but staying for 9 whole months to study is a different story. Mum thinks I'm not capable of adapting to the whole environment thingy seeing that I'm there all alone without anyone AT ALL. I hate to break it but I agree with my mum without contest this time. I really don't think I could survive myself there. I have never been thrown into a sea to fish on my own ever. Being the youngest in the family, my parents are wayyyy more pretoective over me compared to my sister, and no doubt, as clearly portrayed, I am indeed more vulnerable than my sis. My mum and dad are always by my side since birth, and if they're away from me, they put my sister as a substitute to babysit me and amke sure of my well being, and when my sis leave for UK 9 months back, KC was next in line to watch over me. But what happens if I'm in UK?? Without mum and dad? Without my sassy sister? Without fat KC? I'm so doommmed. Seriously, I couldn't picture myself being there all alone despite the fact that I don't make friends pretty well and trust me, I'm a lousy conversation starter. Oh my...I think this finally shows. My sister's the more academic and independant type, and I'm always given the title "shopaholic", "vein", "vulnerable" hmph.

I kid you not, I would really cry my way home. As I'm famous for doing so amongst KC and my parents teehee.

Ending this post abruptly as I am in desperate need to sleep now.

Nights world. =)

Hello UK

2010-06-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

Currently blogging in the hotel in UK. It's 5.05pm here and I'm still having jetlags. Don't blame me, but it only gets dark on 10pm, and the sun streaming in, lets say, 3am? Needless to say, it's summer here and trust me, the weather is no better than in Malaysia. Morning is exceptional, though. Waking up to walk out of the door to have a gust of cool wind rush through your face freshens you up for the day, and that is the best part of the day.

It was pretty fun. It isn't my first time here, but kc's following this time around which explains the adrenalin rush. Since day 1 upon arrival, I've been spending all day and night shopping. My feet knows no pain while I'm in the shopping mode, but the after math was tragic. I would just lie on the hotel bed til I'm sleepy, and I'll sleep. Times this routine by 3, and that's what I did for 3 consecutive days in London. Obviously, kc was a little put off by this whole shopping plan thingy, but, you know, girls =). Not to forget the pleasant present KC got me. I love it to bits though I know it puts a hole in your wallet haha, but I really appreciate it with every ounce of me. Love you dearly baby.

Don't really know what's up for tomorrow but I smell tonnes of walking, which spells B-A-D. I was never catered for walking. My body frame, my toothpick-ed legs, my low stamina and my tendency to stay under shady oak trees are all for indoor purposes, but my sister, who couldn't careless, sprints her way through every road giving me an extremely hard time catching up with her pace. I hope tomorrow's weather would be friendly. Not the scorching sun, but something breezy or cooling, perfect condition for a stroll around the town.

On another note, results are out TOMORROW!!! It kills me and my trip. I don't want to be upset on my trip here. It's not what I'm ready to face. Everyone's being cynical now except for those erm...outcast which have a brain capacity of Einstein. Do wish me luck. I hope I don't have to look forward for August, but September =)) That's all for now. Photo's will be uploaded the moment.........the laziness in me dies off =))

Flash Backs

2010-05-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was hectic I would say. My eye laid wide open up til 5 in the morning and I have these flashbacks of what happened between me and someone so close to me not too long ago which, to my notice, brought tears to my eyes.
That someone was my closest friend ever which I've known for practically my whole life. We've been through every ups and downs of life together ever since we were a child and for all you know, she is someone I look up to as a role model. Someone whom I wish to follow her footsteps, someone which have all the criteria of being a good child or a student, to me at least. Though I was pretty much living under her shadow of success, I didn't really mind, in fact, I was proud even. We've had some bad times where arguments never fail to come and go, but it never last for more than a day, thats a guarentee. We never carry our anger and vengence to the next day, in fact, it will all be forgotten within a couple of hours. However, things started changing a few years back. Something happened and this bright and striking role model figure of her was suddenly blurred to merely shades which can't even make it up. Arguments that we had last time that never lasted a day, now lasted for months. Our conversation was somewhat awkward. Though we never speak about it to each other, but we know, that there's something inside us which the both of us refuses acknowledge it. This something had slowly become an issue to me and I started building barriers from almost everyone. It soured to a point where I would just turn on a total- ignore mode, minding my own business. My answers are just a plain yes or no, nothing more, nothing less. Things has gone way out of hand after months of enduring situations like this and finally, she spoke up trying to loosen the tension around us, but, foolishly, I refused. I did not want to talk to her because I was so shallow at that point in time to be against her when she needed my support the most. I could even remember, I pretty much ruined her birthday by making her cry. She came back all the way from her birthday dinner just so she could settle everything with me once more, but I hold up my guards and turn my back against her. I didn't even wished her a simple Happy Birthday.
Till one day, it was either a "do or die" day. None of us could tolerate this tense situation anymore, hence, she resorted to my parents. They tried to talk things out with us, but being as stubborn as I am, I literally ran out from the house, trying to avoid everything that was about to come. This rage in me was really eating me inside out. Things didn't get settled as wished, and yet again, it went on until up to one day, I was thinking the whole day about my foolish attitude towards someone I care for so much. Why would I want to hurt someone that I held so closely to me? Why would I want to hurt someone that I love equally with my parents? I finally let down my guard and apologized. A simple sorry from me made everything turn to a brighter view. I realised that during that point in time, I was not suppose to go against her no matter how much I hated it, but to stand by her side, cause I'm the only one she has, and she's the only one I have.
Now, we're closer than ever. I opened up so much to her and whenever I'm sad, she never fails to bring her little Donut to cheer me up knowing that I have this dog fetish. She is now going to be a lawyer graduate and still someone I look up to, forever and always, because she's my one and only SISTER.

2010-03-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

Life's been a little hectic lately and yes I might be exaggerating a little but I do feel that life had sucked out the GLLLOOOWWWW in me. =D Classes are crazy as per usual and my finals is just lurking around the corner which explains the hectic life. Will be enduring and enjoying it at the same time. =)

On another note, despite the hectic-ness, happiness has also invaded my life recently. I would be lying if I were to say I never give a thought about it anymore. Every now and then, my thoughts do sway back to the past giving me a tinge of uncomfortable feeling but I've learned to accept it with grace. In fact, I felt redundant trying to fight the thought of it. Much patience and perseverance draws us one step closer to the Big TWO and I feel nothing but happy and glad about us and I hope this feeling will last forever and always.

I love you at hello, and I'll love you at goodbye.

Boringggg

2010-02-02T01:06:00.000-08:00

I hate moments like this. In the gloomy evening, seems like it's going to rain but it's not, where everyone is packing their bags leaving for home while I'm stuck here with nowhere to go. Oh well, this might just be a training ground for me for my level of tolerance ANNNDDD perseverance. =) Call me cynical but everyone would share the same feelings as I do now if they were so blessed to be situated in my position now. I hope everything would brighten up a bit when I get home...some cupcakes maybe? Mind my addiction for cupcakes but they are just to deliciously addictive. What's more, they look as cute as can be. Now how do you resist THAT?

I'm sorry for the lack of photos here as I intelligently lost my camera's charger, hence, no camera to use and also conveniently lost my phone's USB cable, hence, no medium to transfer photos from phone to comp. =( Give me some time ok? I'll get things done real soon as I desperately need both of them.

I can't wait to go back home for Chinese New Year!! Somehow I just have this good feeling about it and the anticipation kills. I have to pull through one more week of classes and I'm over and done with...........for now. Lots of new clothes, lots of new shoes, lots of cookies, and lots of ANG PAUSS!! Just the thought of it is enough to drain all your motivation of studying away and just wait quietly for it to come. =D Shall go back home, have my dinner, shower, study, and maybe tv and I'll call it a day. A pathetic one may I add.

Till then! =)

Confession

2010-01-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

After days and days of tears and a roller coaster of emotions, I've finally settled down nicely in front of my laptop, with a cup of hot milo sitting soundly on the table. I've calmed myself down after lodging much verbal complaints to my fellow friends and of course my dearest sis and I've learn to believe whatever kc says. This whole experience opened up my eyes, relationship wise and friendship wises and I don't think it would be easy for me to forget everything and live life like the way I do. Moving on's a must, but this is a lesson I've learned for life that I will always bear in mind to have barriers with certain people. Stop proving yourself. I don't want to know and I don't want to know how many guys actually likes you and stuff. You think I'll believe or even listen? Seriously I think its a whole lot of crap. All I want now is to start afresh with my bf and I hope YOU won't be interrupting that every now and then. Keep your hands to yourself, not to people's boyfriend. Especially to someone whom you're pretty close with before.

I can't forgive and forget. I can do it with kc, but not with anyone else. This incident is caused by your own hands, causing me to loose a friend.

Why so far?

2009-09-28T08:01:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the extremely long hiatus. I'm just too lazy to run my fingers on the lappie's keyboard. Kinda reminds me of those assignment days. Well, basically my update today will be about my one and only sister which already left us for UK. =( I didn't really felt the twitch until the day after she flew, when I woke up realising that she's already in another country with a totally different time zone. Its just complicate things now and it IS hard to communicate seeing that Malaysia is actually 8 hours faster than UK. Somehow I just felt depress about it. I hope she's happy there and hopefully she knows that whoever she misses here, misses her too, well that includes MUA, daddie, mummie, kenrick, nicky, and little donut (the uber cute toy poodle of hers and kenrick). No more sister for me to call when I'm having troubles, no more sister as a shopping companion, no more sister to nag the shit out of me to clean up my side of the room, no more sister to share my juicy secrets and sorrow. Can you just imagine that? Its like I've been seeing my sister's face practically everyday since I was born, or maybe since I learned how to see. I feel like I'm the only child now that my sister is halfway across the world and I enjoy the attention from my parents :D Ironically speaking.

Here are some pictures mainly just to inject some life into this dying blog (dead blog).

Mummie's little girls

miss you much.

SISTER!!! I MISS YOU!! WE MISS YOU!!!

Owh and on another note, thank you baby for the pressie. Really appreciate it. It made my day. Love you kc

Insanely Insane

2009-09-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm in a bad mood now. I feel like throwing anything that I come across physically. But, I couldn't do so without looking like a barbaric bitch, hence, the suppression. :D I'm uber depressed with my classes and convineintly, tomorrow I'll be having my 8am to 4pm again. Being in the last hour of lecture really reminds me of Ms. Ong. Can't survive withouht a toothpick to pry my eyes open. And on top of that, I have to wait around 30 minutes or so for my, well, chauffer to arrive. Suicidal.com. I would much prefer to refer him as a chauffer now or maybe ah mat because he only drives me around, and nothing else. No talking, no conversations especially when we reach home O.o. Suicidal act no.2. I have to study everytime I reach home or else I'll be the slacking ones, or maybe the ONLY one slacking behind despite the number of smarty pants I have in my class. Styudying without conversing, suicidal act no.3. No more supper. Studying and having ridiculously long hour of classes is just plain tiring and it's beyond comprehension. What more if you can't fill your stomach in the middle of the night BECCAAAUUUSSSEEE...someone doesn't wants to go out late, just incase he got attacked, tired, tomorrow have to wake up early bla bla bla.. Teach me how to put up with these situations!!! It's really driving me nuts!!! I can't live in situation like this...FOR NUTS!!!!! Dear Lord, do point me in the right direction as I deeply need your guidence.

WAAAAAAIIIITTTTT!!!! Walau...everything also must wait meh? Can die lo. After class wait, come back home wait, want to makan wait!!!! Excuse my language but WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!

2009-08-10T18:38:00.001-07:00

I'm in between classes right now and I have nothing to do because my dear soulmate Vivienne Chin is absent for tutorials!! Abandning me alone in class to rot.

I'm baffled between love and hatred. But things improved comparatively. I'm pretty happy about it but this fake smile that i have to put every now and then won't envolope me for long. I'm trying my best to bring out the best of me and I hope I'll get to at least pull something off. Sitting in my room without any apparent movement brings me back to the old days. Hearing the clock ticking to clearly that makes each and every second counts and it feels like a year to hear 60 ticks. Oh my..guess I'll be turning in to bed after my 10am class or should I opt to visit the library? *silence* Ok maybe I should just have a nap first :D

Off to class now.

Smile and You'll be Fine.

2009-06-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

SMIIIILLLLEEEEE!!!! Thats apparently the best antidote.

I have tonnes of things to complain and sadly, I can't complain it verbally at the moment, so, i shall blog.

My timing is all upside down. I sleep during the day, and wake up during the night. Why? I'm acting like I'm already having my holidays. This is soooo not good. How am I going to wake up for my 8am papers? I'll be either skipping the whole paper (not a good option) or I'll turn up for my exams like a ghost that has just been shredded on its way the the exam hall.

Next, is my face seems to be a breeding ground for pimples. Why? Because of my upside down timng? And I tend to look 10 years older. My skin is so saggy that I happen to look like Droopey and Droople.

Put the blame on EXAMS!!! Causing me to have a ghost face. Wth?!

Janey Fongy is finally over and done with her exams and yes, I will most likely to be going out with her A LOT!!! Babi syok giler la you Jane!

p.s study study study and stop thinking!!

p.p.s corgi puppies are uber cute. ME want one!!!

2009-05-10T02:41:00.001-07:00

I'm super hungry. When will my food come??

I just browsed through my e-mails and found out about this:

I want to CRY ALREADY!!! Omg...if i happen to see this dog, by the name of Faith on the street, I would rush to him and hug him til i can almost squeeze him to death! Well, he really inpires me. A dog with only two hind legs and yet, he live his life to the fullest regardless of his disabilities. He still does what all normal dog does. We, people on the other hand get so upset over a small matters and we whine and complain about pratically everything around us.
I pormised myself to be more mature when it comes to handling situations that come accross. Perseverance :D

Ok back to Faith. He is just one miraculous dog. I'm impressed with his determination to only walk on two legs, despite the fact that his eating, and sleeping style will be affected. How I wish I could be as determined as him. Appreciating every single bit of his life.
Perhaps we, I will feel much better if I change my point of view to see things from another direction. No more anger, no more hatred. Learning how to put everything behind.

To my dear sister, I'm perfectly fine. Don't have to worry so much about me. Let me try to handle my own mess now.

I'll always appreciate everything you've done for me. You're still one close friend of mine

Till then. Time to eat now. My kaki has finally arrived.

Back Again

2009-04-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

My apologies for what had happen to my blog. Due to some reasons, had to delete my posts=D. I'm vcurrently in Kuantan and everything is good. It looks good, it feels good until my assignments came into pictre. They just have to spoil my holidays don't they? I'm stuck with shitloads of assignments again! Is my life all about assignments? I hate datelines. I really do. Struggling my way through another "assignment perioud".

Okay. Back to the war. May God bless me.

Til then.